The Power of Being Believed

"I felt like I was in a very difficult, painful situation and had no idea who I could go and talk to about it. So I didn't. But then I became really close friends with the director's assistant. She and I would commiserate about some of these things that were happening. She was very aware of everything going on. When she retired, I realized that the integrity was gone from the office, my base, my ally. That last year was the worst for me. She was not only my friend, but somebody that understood how I felt, and she felt the same way."

"When you're so beaten down, when one person shows support, you're so appreciative. It makes such a difference. Kathy was such a bright light. I mean, it was such a relief to have someone say, hey, this happened to me, too, with the bully, you can use my name if you go complain to management."

"Hearing my coworker believe me... and having someone actually believe you means a lot. Sorry I got emotional thinking about that moment."

"I'm glad I have a husband who's supportive and understands... the last 8 years of my life have been hell. Once my husband recognized the severity of my distress, he became my rock. He helped me survive this experience."

"I reported everything to the CEO and even sent proof that the same behavior had happened at another facility, but I never heard back. What hurt the most was when the coworker who had given me the documentation called and told me he had been offered a promotion if he refused to testify in my case. He was the one person who could have confirmed everything. When he chose not to speak up, it felt like I was completely alone."

"Some coworkers were quietly sympathetic. They would shake their heads or say they felt sorry for me, but no one was willing to intervene. People were afraid—everyone has families, bills, and mortgages, and they didn't want to risk becoming the next target. In the end, the sympathy was there, but the fear was stronger."

"Everyone in my department knew I had a target on my back. They watched me fall apart over the years, and no one stepped in to support me. You're not going to be friends with the person with the target on their back. That's not a good idea. So nobody stood up for me."

"My husband didn't believe me at first. And I was seeing a psychiatrist, too. And he wasn't believing me. So, that lack of support was devastating. I was thinking of divorcing my husband when he wasn't believing me, because I thought, if you can't support me during one of the most difficult times of my life, what's the purpose of being married?"

"When I reached out to friends for support, they didn't know how to respond. Instead of helping, some of them made things worse. They talked to me like I must be doing something wrong because this was happening to me. Even friends I had known since high school—people I had known for decades—told me to just go get any job, even if it meant bagging groceries. It made me feel even more alone."

"I went to therapy so I could get focused and prioritize what I need to do. And I… and then I finally told her about the bullying, and she said, you know, she said, well, let's talk about how we can be friends with these people. And I'm like, you know, she doesn't get it."

"When no one listens, no one validates you, and even your attempts to advocate for yourself fail, it feels like the life is being forced out of you. Being pushed out of a group, treated like an outcast, feels like a kind of death. That's how it felt to me—like my old life exploded and I had to somehow rebuild from the pieces."

"But the people who did validate or acknowledge what I was going through didn't do anything about it. Yeah, no actions. They took no actions. We need actions, not words. No actions."